This week we welcome our very first guest post of 2021 on the Quote Quest meme. The very lovely SilverDom reached out and asked if I would host his and the lovely SilverDrops’s words this week’s quote on love. Enjoy their post – ‘The Bard is Only Partly Right’.
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind” – William Shakespeare
I no longer have a blog. Silverdrop’s Toybox, started by my wife, had to close down a couple of years ago after we were outed by a family member. But enough of the BadStuff… The lovely LSB agreed to host me when I said that this quote had moved me to write something.
I am writing this just before Valentine’s Day, a day we do not celebrate. This was originally because Silverdrop’s birthday is also in February and, in her past, the two events were merged together. Nobody ever asked her if she was okay with this – turns out she wasn’t. So we used to celebrate her birthday with gifts and a special meal whilst more or less ignoring Valentine’s Day.
For us, despite what the Bard says (yes, I dare to disagree with the Bard), love is in the eyes, mind, heart and actions. It is in the everyday interactions that show, in an understated way, how much we love each other. These interactions are, for us, more meaningful than BigStatements/Actions that some people use to demonstrate their love for someone. Nothing against folks who do the BigThing – it just doesn’t work for us.
To me, it feels like the big statements of love might be related to New Relationship Energy (NRE). We certainly felt our share of NRE! But isn’t that amount of energy unsustainable in the long term? It is, after all, based on a chemical reaction in our brains. Most long-term relationships settle down to something that can stay the course. That doesn’t mean there aren’t bursts of passion! It does mean that all those involved learn to live together – in whatever fashion they have chosen – in a way that works for them.
I have known a few people who I think might be addicted to NRE and so cannot (or choose not to) settle for something longer term. I am not talking about people who practice various forms of poly – which includes us two here – as that is, IMO, another thing again.
And that’s all I have to say on the matter.
Wait! What? You want examples of the little things? Well, if you insist:
- Bullet points are mine unless marked “SD”, in which case Silverdrop joined in. Yay!
- Bringing a beverage of choice to your love – especially first thing in the morning.
- Remembering the little things that they need doing and helping out with them.
- Remembering their preferences in food/drink/stuff.
- Noting when they say they are interested in a thing… can be useful at Christmas/birthday/anniversary.
- Reminding them of something they need to do.
- Random acts of kindness
- Putting your primary relationship first – AKA Protecting The Property (PTP) – useful shorthand. Especially important if poly.
- Like when discussing your next threesome.
- Always taking their feelings into account and being honest about your own.
- Encouraging them to do the things they enjoy, even if it’s a divergent interest -SD
- Making time/energy for sex, even when chronic illness makes the body struggle -SD
- Looking after my dog when he’s a cat person -SD
- “And I love you…”, not “But I love you…”
Some people who have met us have commented that our love for each other is very obvious in the way we look, talk, and act with each other. We like that.
What does love mean to you?
Please note: – I am always happy to host your words or images on here – please reach out if you would to take part x